I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize