when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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