I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize