i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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