i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am one with the molecules
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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