Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
