Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Couch. On fire.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
