he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
