Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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