Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're a waste of cheezeits
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
