I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
