90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
