please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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