So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
