im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
