so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
