I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
