Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
