why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
