so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize