I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
