I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
