Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
