I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize