JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize