Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
