Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
