I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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