Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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