Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
