It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
