Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
there is puke in my bra ... again
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