can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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