i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
