Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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