porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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