I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
