and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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