i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
