Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
