we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
