u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
