So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
