My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize