It's Friday. Sex?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
