So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
