its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
