It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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