I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
