I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
