I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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