Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're like the curious george of whores
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
