i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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