I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
