he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
