So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
