I skipped work to stalk him.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
