never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
