Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
