Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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