It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
