If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
