You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
