your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
