guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
