is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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