I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize