No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
