he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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