It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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