so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
