are you so shy because you have an std?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize