I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize