Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
