I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
