I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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