as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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