i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's shark week go big or go home
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
