For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
