i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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