Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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