Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
