I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
