I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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