Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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