I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
