birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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