now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
