mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He? As in you personified your dick?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
