She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
