he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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