I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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