Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
they need to just BURY HIM!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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