Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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