You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
