i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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