i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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