he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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